“I’m so proud of you.” These are five words that would completely change my day when Amanda would say them to me . . . Gosh, it would change my week! I am a words of affirmation kind of person, which means I feel most loved when someone affirms me. For that reason I’m extra sensitive to both helpful words directed at me and harmful words.

As a female, it's sometimes hard to navigate through different seasons of life with people. Single, married, pregnant, motherhood. Sometimes it's hard to relate to others, sometimes our lives just become so different that schedules and priorities just don't seem to align anymore. Sometimes our interests no longer match up, and sometimes, without even seeing it, a gap can begin to grow between us and some of our closest friends. 

As I walked into Amanda's home on Friday, November 13, I remember feeling anxious and nervous, and a whole slew of emotions that I had never experienced before walking into her home. I had walked into her home hundreds of times - and each time I felt happy, and excited, and welcomed, and - well, HOME.

There are very few times in my life when I have been truly surprised. You know, that overwhelming SHOCK that completely catches you off guard, and you wonder how in the world you didn't see that coming?! I can literally count on one hand the number of times this has ACTUALLY happened to me. And every single one of them involves my sister, Amanda. 

Evie would have been born 4 days ago. It's 7:42am and I'm sure I would be finishing up my morning coffee, readying myself to wake Weston up while Amanda tends to Evie. I'd bring Weston his milk and take him into the bedroom to see his mommy and his new baby sister. Weston's been saying "baby" a lot recently. It comes out more like "bebe."

Despite the waves of emotion, I determined this year’s race was going to be special. We had 40 people in #ForIndy t-shirts running in honor of Amanda. Our Resonate Worship band was one of the featured bands along the route. 50 more of our Resonate volunteers signed up to pass out gatorade to runners. I was on track to post a personal record by running a faster time than I’d ever run a half-marathon. This year was going to be special!

This picture was taken almost 28 years ago on Easter Sunday. It was the most beautiful day. The sun was shining, and the birds were chirping. I can even remember folding my lace-trimmed socks down over my white patent leather shoes.

We've received countless stories of how Amanda's story has changed people's lives. I love to hear these because they remind me that NOTHING IS WASTED. I wanted you to see some of these stories too. This one is from Heather. 

But really? A double wedding? Who does that? Well, we did. Partly to save money (I mean our guest lists were basically identical), and partly because we like to be unique. We had never been to a double wedding, and there were definitely moments when I think we both wondered what we were getting ourselves into.

Yesterday I took Weston to Amanda’s gravesite for the first time. I thought it fitting to begin a new Mother’s Day tradition with him. Needless to say it was very painful. Her headstone wasn't set yet, and he certainly didn’t understand what I was trying to tell him. But I wanted him to know more about his mommy. 

I have always looked up to my baby sister. I always thought it was ironic that my younger sister would be the person I respected most. I loved her more than she would ever be able to understand. She helped me through this life in every way. She encouraged me, challenged me, held me in my most difficult times, prayed for me, laughed with me, endured every phase of life with me.

There is a country song by the band Heartland called “I Loved Her First.” I remember this song hitting the airwaves the summer before Amanda and I got married. I also remember it seemed just about every country song released that summer was about a father giving his daughter away in marriage. I could have sworn it was some kind of conspiracy against me! Every time I would hear one of these songs that summer I would almost impulsively drive up to Amanda’s dad’s house in tears and apologize for taking his daughter away from him!

Have you ever struggled with hurt so intense that you've wondered if you'll be able to make it through? This week we take a break from our Home Run Life series as Davey is interviewed by Perry Noble at Newspring Church and shares his story of hurt, hope, and forgiveness.

I’ve been describing this past Sunday to people with one word. Meaningful. It was bittersweet to stand on the NewSpring stage and talk about the hope that we have in the resurrection. Bitter because of the reason I was given this opportunity. Sweet because of how much Pastor Perry and NewSpring Church have meant to Amanda and me throughout the last 12 years.

There is no way to over-exaggerate how often I get this question. I’m sure you’ve been wondering the same. This was one of my greatest concerns after Amanda’s death. How is Weston going to grow up without his mom?

The story of Horatio Spafford has always been an inspiration to me since I first heard it on a kids audio program called The Adventures in Odyssey - if you grew up in church you’ll probably remember these cassette tapes. Since Amanda’s death, however, Spafford's story has taken on another dimension.

"It is doubtful whether God can bless a man greatly until He has hurt him deeply.” -AW Tozer

This quote from well-known theologian, AW Tozer, has been sinking into my heart deeply as of late. We have so many people in our church who are experiencing REAL PAIN in their lives - loss, hardship, stress, anxiety, depression.

What people will often do when they encounter a trial, a tragedy, or a painful experience is they will try to run away from the pain. Pain is terrifying. It’s messy. It sneaks up on you and can cripple you in an instant. It knocks the breath out of you. But it can’t kill you.

I hope these books help you as you may be working through pain of your own. As I read more I’ll be sure to update you.

Contentment is a slippery and alluring feeling. It seems to me I’ve spent much of my life looking forward to the next season and merely trying to endure the current one. When you plant a church the process can be so grueling and intense you have trouble appreciating the process.